In this video, I’m going to list at least 15 things that I hate about Charleston Life. And you probably will too. I say at least 15, because there’s a good chance. I’ll add some more towards the end, cuz all this talk about things I hate will inspire me for other things that I hate. So let’s just go ahead and get started. I am reading off the list, so deal with it.
1OUR STRICT LIQUOR/ALCOHOL LAWS (AKA “BLUE LAWS”)
Number one on the list is blue laws, blue laws are some very outdated laws that I don't know why we still have an effect, but they prevent you from being able to buy liquor past 7:00 PM every day, or you can't even buy liquor at all on Sundays. This is probably made literally when this country was founded and the fact that it still is in effect is just baffling to me. So yeah, I hate that.
2OUR STRICT MARIJUANA LAWS (AKA “GREEN LAWS”)
Another thing I hate is the “green laws” and by green laws, I mean the fact marijuana is still illegal in this city in a state <laugh> and I hate it.
3ALL CHARLESTON SC BARS CLOSE BY 2:00 AM
Next 2:00 AM closing time. I would this is a love/hate relationship because it is probably a good thing that the bars are not open past two, but I would just wanna have the option, you know? Right. right now in the midst of the coronavirus, they're actually closed at 11. So I guess I could, you know, be grateful that that is not the current state of things. Wait, I'm just kidding. That sucks even more <laugh>
4DOWNTOWN CHARLESTON SC FLOODS ALL THE TIME
Alright, so flooding and gravity in general Charleston, it floods here. If it's high tide and it rains for like two minutes, suddenly your car is underwater. It's crazy. Be careful about where you park and it's really annoying.
5NATURAL DISASTERS: CHARLESTON SC IS PRONE TO HURRICANES
Another thing I hate natural disasters, Charleston we are prone to these wonderful things called hurricanes and they just seem to really get in the way of life sometimes. Besides that, we even had a huge earthquake. I wasn't alive at the time, but apparently, it was really bad. So that's something that I hate. Pandemic, is that a natural disaster? I guess it's like a manmade disaster. I don't like those either.
6HISTORIC CHARLESTON BUILDINGS THAT ARE NARROW AND CRAMPED
Tiny buildings even more so in the midst of a global pandemic, but Charleston is a very historic city built by seemingly very small people who have very narrow buildings that have no space at all. And if you wanna go party, you literally rub shoulders with everybody. And it's just small and cramped and like I want space. So I hate tiny buildings.
7IT'S HOT-#AF IN THE SUMMERTIME
It's hot AF it is so hot in the summertime. Y'all like, it's insane. And I hate it. And if you've never experienced humid Southern heat, you will hate it too.
Riots. This is a new one. Yep. I hate riots. They suck. They really didn't. Didn't really bring any joy and now we have no apple store.
9MOSQUITOES AKA “SKEETERS” & NO-SEE-UM BUGS
Mosquitoes AKA “Skeeters.” I don't think anybody ever said that they liked skeeters. Here in Charleston, when you combine hot AF with skiers, it's muggy and it's buggy and you know what else? We have “no-see-ums.” They might even be worse cuz skeeters, you can like easily kill. And then I hate when the blood gets all over you, but the no-see-ums, they're ruthless and you, you can't see 'em so you can't kill 'em. So they're just there. So basically you just gotta go away <laugh> or suffer.
And then, you know, I just thought of a new thing. Palmetto Bugs, they're the cockroaches of the south and they're everywhere and I hate 'em.
11ITS ALSO FREEZING IN THE SUMMERTIME (INDOORS)
Next on the list: being cold in the summertime. Now I mentioned it as hot as fuck hot Afaf <laugh>. But we really have the air conditioning thing. We take that very seriously. So despite the fact that it's 110 degrees outside, when you go sit at a restaurant or a bar it's like 65 and suddenly your body is just shocked and you're freezing and you were just hot as shit. It's like, you can not be comfortable. You just have to be one extreme to the other.
Now related to this is another thing that I hate. Well, I don't know, booty sweat. <Laugh> booty.
Sweat is the phenomenon when it's hot as thick and you're sitting on a stool or a chair and you're so hot that your butt sweats all over it. And then you get up and you have like a little butt in print. I kind of hate it, but it's kind of funny. I don't know one of those things.
13PEOPLE WHO DON’T PUT THEIR SHOPPING CARTS AWAY AT THE GROCERY STORE
Let's see. Another thing I hate this- isn't a Charleston thing. This is just something I hate. People who don't put their shopping cart away in the grocery store. I really hate that. It's so annoying. Just put it away. You already had the convenience and luxury of that is the American grocery store and you can't walk two feet to put your cart away. And now I had to park like freaking six roads back, just, Ugh.
14CHICK-FIL-A IS CLOSED ON SUNDAYS
Next Chick-fil-A closed on Sundays. It's 2020. That's insane. Like I know we have all been there when all we want is a Chick-fil-A biscuit or some chicken nuggets and they're closed cuz a Sunday. And that's just insane.
15THE SMELL OF THE SEWAGE PLANT
Lastly, I don't hate the Pluff mud smell, but I hate the fact that for so many years I mistook the sewage plant (AKA poop factory,) on the James Island Connector for pluff mud. I used to think that that smell going over the bridge to James Island on certain days, was the smell of pluff mud. I was like, “ah, I love the smell of pluff mud!” Years later, come to find out. No, I was actually deeply inhaling the smell of the poop of Charleston. Everybody's collective poop. And I thought it was PL mud. And I thought I loved it, but I hate it. Ugh, God. And it's getting worse. Y'all it's getting worse.